04 January 2014

New Beginnings

Hmm. This seems to be my old blog. Wow. Quite a bit of dust in here. Oh well. I guess I should get to work then.



     Anyways...    Haha. It's good to be blogging again. I enjoy all forms of writing, but I have seriously neglected this one. I know I always say that I intend to change that, and I have yet to do so, but things have been happening and changes are being made in my life that provide some actual momentum to the whole idea behind the philosophy of New Year's, of doing new things and turning over new leaves.

     I really hate to use the word "resolutions." It has such a horrible connotation. Resoultions are like the animals on ASPCA commercials. They're abused and then neglected and now seeking attention from a home that will care for them and love them. Pretty accurate? I'd say so, but then again, I'm the one writing this. With that said, I think I'll call them determinations. It's a much better word. It gives the idea that there's a force behind these resolves, a certain mental, well, determination.

     My list of determinations isn't very long, but it has a wide scope. This a big year, so full of transitions and changes, of goodbyes and hellos, and I want to be able to meet them all.


     1. To grow in my faith and my walk with God. There's been a lot of things I've had to deal with in my recent personal history. Battles I had thought I fought, and won, reared their ugly heads once again I fell hard for some and came disastrously close to falling for others. A lot of the ├╝ber recent stuff, as in no further back than the beginning of this school year, was because I was not truly seeking after God and growing in my faith, the Christian faith. I have always struggled with a strong personal faith (another blogpost for another time), and the consequences of that came to a head. I knew what I needed to do to fix things and win battles that I was losing, but I wasn't able to bring myself to it so I suffered in my self-wrought pains. 
         So this year, all of that changes. I'm feeding my spirit man, as one metaphor would put it. Truthfully, this is the biggest of my determinations. It's what really keeps me on track and ready for those aforementioned battles. Also, the dedication and determination I show for this one is a kind of example to myself for the others.

     2. To write more. At the behest of the words of the poet Rainer Maria Rilke, I once looked into myself and asked myself The Question. Must I write? The answer was both a quiet whisper and powerful, resounding shout. The answer was yes. Being a high school student in an honors program and being involved in a variety of extra-curriculars has made this suber tough. Usually, my free time consists not of when I have nothing to do but rather when I cannot do anything more or else. Writing takes up a lot of energy (a concept which some people completely fail to grasp), and I am always so tired and desiring for a mindless, amusing activity. My 2014 attitude/answer to that: suck it up. 
         Writing truly is something thati cannot live without. It's a part of my very make-up. If scientists ever discover a writing gene, then I certainly have it. If writing were somehow taken away from me then there are only three options available for my life. 1) Near immediate suicide, 2) a slow wasting away of me, or 3) a descent into complete madness. However dramatic those paths may sound, they are entirely the truth.

     3. To do more with my writing. Even though publishing is cool and all that, that isn't just what I'm talking about. There are things I want to do with my life (once again, another blogpost for another time) and my writing can help with that. What if I can help people and champion causes? I could be voice for the people and the causes and the ideas that have no voice or struggle to be heard.

     4. To place 1 Corthinthians 10:31 at the core of my life. "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." (ESV) I feel like that's self-explanatory for now.

     5. My last determination is something special. It's both a summation of the first four and also something different that they tie into. It is simply this: To live. In this year, and however many years that may follow, I plan on truly living. My existence will not be one of static and stagnant "There-ness." No matter where I am or what I am doing, I mean to really, truly, and unequivocally LIVE.


Well, that was a lot longer than I intended it to be, but it was well worth the time. It was good to pen my thoughts down, to physically see them so that I could get a better grasp on them, thus cementing them into myself. Also, I invite all of you onto this journey with me. Make your own determinations. Take your own steps. Initiate your own changes. We can do this together, build each other up. Together, we can make 2014 the greatest year yet to come. Heck, maybe we can even change the world. :)



With love,
Jesse B.